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Despite being told each time we went out that he'd "never let a lady pay," I'd instinctively reach for my wallet. This time, however, he'd gone to great lengths to plan a particularly romantic evening and the gesture came dangerously close to ruining it. But damn, Joan, a man needs to feel like he can do for a woman.
Gender-biased it may be, but in a society of ever-shifting gender roles, temporarily indulging the men lucci/women coochie division of power offers a soothing semblance of order. Not to wax nostalgic for the "good old days" but those much-needed feminist advances also left our generation disconcertingly bewildered about what our "roles" are as men and women -- and how they relate to each other. As a result, women's struggle for political, economic, and social equality has always been infinitely clearer than the internal battle we wage trying to honor both our independence and our femininity. Dating is one of the few areas in my life that I get to completely indulge the latter.
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The reasons are ultimately rooted in society's good ol' sexist imbalance of power. Despite women's considerable gains in economic, social, and political terrains, the gatekeepers to power are still men. Feminism, degrees, hard work -- it's all good -- but when it comes to six figure and above lifestyles most of the ballers are men. Author Joan Morgan coined the term hip-hop feminism at a time when “most people felt like it couldn’t possibly exist,” she says.
I love that Joan Morgan is speaking to the grays and not letting anyone off the hook. Sure, there are things she did not address . However, the amount of courage it must have taken to be vulnerable and write this book when she did... A new voice of the hip-hop generation speaks out about the reality of being a black woman in America today. Chris Lighty, Violator Records president and chickenhead fave, is straight-up about it. "We all like the jiggy freaks and we wanna sleep with her and her friends -- maybe even at the same time -- but that's just sex," he emphasizes.
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"But it's not just about that look good shit. Really. That wears thin no matter what. You can find something wrong with the prettiest girl after you've been looking at her for a couple of months. I want a woman that's strong." Curious, I ask Lighty if he thinks this is true. "You're asking me if chickenheads win?" He laughs good and hard at the question. "No, of course they don't. If they win it's only for a minute. Chickenheads are like a temporary ego boost. We know it doesn't take much to get a chicken. All you need is a good watch and a little bit of cash. And for a man, there's no real victory in that."
If you ask someone to define feminism, the response will vary, but there will always be at least one that will include hating men in some form. To be more clear, feminism should not be defined solely by victimization because we are so much more than that. Knowing this and not allowing it to become a superwoman cloak over one's spirit is a balancing act. What makes this book interesting to me is the how it can appear hypocritical to want to be independent, have a successful career, be a boss in all areas of life until apparently you choose not to be. I think this what Morgan means by shades of gray.
When Chickenheads Come Home to Roost: A Hip-Hop Feminest Breaks It Down
Word is, according to my boy, he goes through great pains to make silence and loyalty a helluva lot more lucrative than kissing and telling. "All I can tell you is that he treats her very, very well. The car, house, and living expenses are all taken care of -- plus an allowance in six figures a year. And Joan, are you ready for this? She's not the only one." What I couldn't get was how he would manage to keep his shit so on the low. As the old saying goes, Hell hath no fury like a woman pissed off. In addition to wreaking a little domestic havoc and tarnishing his image, any scorned mistress of his stood to make a bundle confiding the details of her heartbreak to the media.
She tries not to do that but it is what she does. In particularly she blames mothers for there sons actions. She gets into the whole "mother's raise their daughters but love their sons" argument. But it negates personal responsibility and puts adult decision on the why a child is raised. If you get to twenty five years old and don't know how to open a door or act like an man than it is not entirely your mother's fault. Forthright and controversial, When Chickenheads Come Home to Roost offers a feminism committed to "keeping it real." It is that magical intersection where contrary voices meet -- the juncture where "truth is no longer black and white but subtle, intriguing shades of gray."
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May have some damage to the cover but integrity still intact. The binding may be slightly damaged but integrity is still intact. Possible writing in margins, possible underlining and highlighting of text, but no missing pages or anything that would compromise the legibility or understanding of the text. See the seller’s listing for full details and description of any imperfections.
"Sometimes, it's not a power or an ego thing," says Jacobs -- who, for the record, always pays. More often than not, he explains, a brother's ability to trick loot on a woman he likes simply makes him feel like a good guy. While Jacobs doesn't buy that brothers are necessarily intimidated by strong women, he does think that sistas need to be more realistic about what they're up against. "You know, I hear a lot of strong, intelligent women say they intimidate brothers," says Clinkscales.
"Right. Threatening to kill yourself. You know, the things we would never do. And those are the girls who seem to win. I was crying because an admittedly frightened, weak, vulnerable, but oh so real part of me wanted to yell, "TAKE CARE OF ME. PROTECT ME. BE THERE FOR ME. LOVE ME." Instead, I ended the last conversation we would have for two years by calling him everything but a child of God. Igniting my fury were the memories of endless conversations about his frustrations with a woman who seemed to have no greater life aspirations than being wifey. Showered her with shopping sprees at Barneys. He just wanted -- correction -- needed her to want something out of life besides him.
"I think that they do intimidate some. But if they do, then there's a good chance that's not the guy they really need to be with. Smart, together sistas need to be with the type of man who is fearless, courageous, and wants to succeed badly enough that he'll jump into any situation." While financial stability and a career he loves are definitely among my dating prerequisites, they matter more to me as indications of a brother's capacity for passion, commitment, and a solid work ethic than what I think his money will do for me. And when it comes to not giving me the respect I think I deserve, money is not a factor I'm ever tempted to place over love or happiness. There've been six- and seven-figure brothers who've suffered the same fate as the ones who were barely getting by. And I'm grateful to my moms for giving me that freedom. I couldn't remember the last time I'd put my hand in my pocketbook even on a second or third date -- let alone a first.
Mission accomplished JM and that awards you many stars. Every chapter drips with internalized misogyny which makes for a rather disappointing read, especially from a writer who considers herself a feminist. Ecclectism and egalitarianism roam this book within the cloak of "hip-hop feminism". I also wish there was a similar book for those of us who hit adulthood in the '00s.
Paul Jacobs, a professional athlete and fledgling entrepreneur, echoes Clinkscales's sentiments strongly. "As a black man, professional success validates you and gives you the ability to compete, especially against the white men of the world. It's like your check." To my surprise, if a brother was feeling insecure about his financial status, the offer only ended up making him feel worse. You should be with some nigga that can give you the world.
Granted this book was written awhile ago, but dang. We may not agree with these types of women's practices, but do we have to call them out their names? I have mixed feelings on this one, but it got me thinking, and I always take that as a good thing. Now what I did not like is that Morgan sort of put a lot of the blame for the state of black men on black women.
Red-hot romances, poolside fiction, and blockbuster picks, oh my! Start reading the hottest books of the summer. I like how I quoted heavily from this in my women's studies papers even though it's basically a memoir dogging on other black woman.
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